I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
