Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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