I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
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