The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
