i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
