How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
