hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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