I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
