You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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