I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was CRYING into my vagina
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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