You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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