More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
