There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
