i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
