**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
