Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
