i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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