remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
