I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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