Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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