just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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