she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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