I think my vagina is haunted
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
