i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
time to smoke my breakfast
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
