U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
