we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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