and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
