When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
