Betty ford says i'm here all night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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