The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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