also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
this is an emotional support booty call
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
