just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
