Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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