Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize