and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
