lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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