6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
