the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Everclear isn't food dammit
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