Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
