does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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