You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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