I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my being single is dangerous.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
