Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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