How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
