If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
