'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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