I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
