im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
