ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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