I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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