one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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