im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize