just survived the first fart of the relationship.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
