Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize