I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
