They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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