i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
P.S. I can't hear my feet
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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