Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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