she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize