I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
