I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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