So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
