My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
