they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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