i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
