I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
