She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize