I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
