in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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