I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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