Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
