You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
