Me too!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
