Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
