this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
