I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize