you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
