You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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