Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the day after is always just damage control
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
