Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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