she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
