Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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