I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
