I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
