I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize