you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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