Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
