Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
