im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
