so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize