a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We need a shit load of segways right now
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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