So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
