If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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