I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
