I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
