At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
