im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
