Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
