We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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